Anonymous
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James "Wheelie" Chiffon
24
Well one time friends I had a ma, even had a pa
He beat her with a belt 'cause she cried
She told him take care o' me, headed down to Tennessee
Well it's better 'n waitin' 'round to die
Description:
James stands a lanky 5' 10", weighing in at a mere 150 pounds. Despite insisting that he is a "real man" he can't grow much more then a wispy beard, which he is very proud of. His mustache looks like dirt on his upper lip and his hair is cut short, just beyond a buzz cut and is dyed blonde. James' eyes are a muddy green, not unlike looking into a murky forest pool loaded with algae. One of his front canine teeth is broken almost to the gum, a quality which he believes makes him look roguish and daring. The other teeth are yellowed due to his poor hygiene and cigarette habit. The youth's skin is pale and usually sunburned due to time spent lounging around outside. Sunblock, after all, is for dorks. And James Chiffon is the definition of cool. No matter what Trent said in freshman year, fuck you Trent.
A burnt out nihilist in his early 20s, James is a college dropout and general ne'er-do-well. He spends his time ripping bong, chugging miller high life, and attempting to flirt. Quick witted despite his lack of motivation, he enjoys bickering and generally comes off as snide or derisive towards other people and their interests. This of course stems from a deep dissatisfaction with his own state of being and life choices. Despite his exterior he has a soft spot for children and animals, reverting to a ridiculous baby voice when exposed to either. Brooding and introspective he harshly judges the world around him through the lenses of a young man who thinks he knows just about everything there is to know. His interests include working on motorcycles and cars (when he isn't stoned), sitting in bars looking brooding, and wearing all black. He's a bit of a slob and has a hard time living with other people due to his argumentative and lackadaisical nature. James is looking for a good time. His list of goals includes eating breakfast, eating lunch, smoking a cigarette and then eating dinner. After that he absolutely must score some beer, only then he can worry about tomorrow. If he can get laid it's a bonus. A fistfight might be alright too, so long as there's babes watching.
A burnt out nihilist in his early 20s, James is a college dropout and general ne'er-do-well. He spends his time ripping bong, chugging miller high life, and attempting to flirt. Quick witted despite his lack of motivation, he enjoys bickering and generally comes off as snide or derisive towards other people and their interests. This of course stems from a deep dissatisfaction with his own state of being and life choices. Despite his exterior he has a soft spot for children and animals, reverting to a ridiculous baby voice when exposed to either. Brooding and introspective he harshly judges the world around him through the lenses of a young man who thinks he knows just about everything there is to know. His interests include working on motorcycles and cars (when he isn't stoned), sitting in bars looking brooding, and wearing all black. He's a bit of a slob and has a hard time living with other people due to his argumentative and lackadaisical nature. James is looking for a good time. His list of goals includes eating breakfast, eating lunch, smoking a cigarette and then eating dinner. After that he absolutely must score some beer, only then he can worry about tomorrow. If he can get laid it's a bonus. A fistfight might be alright too, so long as there's babes watching.
Biography
James was born in Kentucky, raised in Kentucky, and believes he will die in the same small town in Kentucky. A country boy through and through, his father Alan Chiffon raised him on a steady diet of dirtbike riding and mild child abuse. James' mother passed when he was three, so he was told. Maybe she fled to get away from his dad's drinking. He's not too sure, and frankly where he's at now is probably her fault. That's what his dad says after his fourth Budweiser, anyway.
In school James was an average student. He flew under the radar and stayed out of trouble for the most part due to his uncanny ability to bullshit. Lies flowed from his tongue like water off a duck's back, and teachers didn't want to waste the time untangling the tall tales of some trailer park kid. He didn't have many friends and had a hard time relating to his peers, preferring to pick fights and bully the other children. This pattern continued in his teenage years, his father began working as a bartender and James was allowed to pop down to the local saloon for a drink any time he wanted. As Alan put it, beer was an american tradition, and there was nothin' in life more important then being a patriot. You can beat your wife and kid as long as you're a patriot after all. Following this sage advice James attempted to study politics. He was gonna bring attention to the sleepy midwest towns that the nation had forgotten. Maybe even make something of himself and his broken family. He set out for Kentucky State University, which he attended with mediocre grades for a year before he got caught driving his moped around campus piss drunk and butt naked in the wee hours of the morning. Dad woulda been proud, so he thought.
Dad was not proud. James was kicked out of school at 19, and upon arriving home he got the shit kicked right out of him. Thrown out of his fathers house he decided to start working part time as a mechanic as he knew a little about fixing bikes. This skill transferred to cars, but after losing his chance at an education James was demotivated and prone to skipping work, sitting at home with a case of bear and a bong. Thoughts that he might follow in his fathers footsteps plagued him constantly, the old man's presence looming in the back of his mind no matter where he went. Life wound on for five long, lonely years. Friends were still few to be found but folks around town began to learn of his ability to fix up a car or a tractor and would often come knocking on his trailer. Only when they wanted something, that is. Just like his goddamn father.
Life has a way of changing very fast, especially when you're not expecting it. The outbreak tore his little town apart. James went to his father's trailer, hoping to reconcile with the man in the end times. The bible did say we were to be judged, and he wasn't about to be judged as a hard-hearted young man. Forgiveness on his mind he swung the door open, and it groaned like a dying ma. James entered, footsteps ringing out on the cheap linoleum flooring. He found the man's body moldering away in that same rocking chair he sat and drank in, face torn away from its skull with a shotgun blast. A suicide. Who knows how long he'd been sitting there. 10 days? Was he going to turn? Or had he taken his life in the grip of alcoholism months before? James didn't know, and didn't care. He vomited twice and fled the house into the night with the last remnants of his youth and innocence left behind in that darkened mobile home.
In school James was an average student. He flew under the radar and stayed out of trouble for the most part due to his uncanny ability to bullshit. Lies flowed from his tongue like water off a duck's back, and teachers didn't want to waste the time untangling the tall tales of some trailer park kid. He didn't have many friends and had a hard time relating to his peers, preferring to pick fights and bully the other children. This pattern continued in his teenage years, his father began working as a bartender and James was allowed to pop down to the local saloon for a drink any time he wanted. As Alan put it, beer was an american tradition, and there was nothin' in life more important then being a patriot. You can beat your wife and kid as long as you're a patriot after all. Following this sage advice James attempted to study politics. He was gonna bring attention to the sleepy midwest towns that the nation had forgotten. Maybe even make something of himself and his broken family. He set out for Kentucky State University, which he attended with mediocre grades for a year before he got caught driving his moped around campus piss drunk and butt naked in the wee hours of the morning. Dad woulda been proud, so he thought.
Dad was not proud. James was kicked out of school at 19, and upon arriving home he got the shit kicked right out of him. Thrown out of his fathers house he decided to start working part time as a mechanic as he knew a little about fixing bikes. This skill transferred to cars, but after losing his chance at an education James was demotivated and prone to skipping work, sitting at home with a case of bear and a bong. Thoughts that he might follow in his fathers footsteps plagued him constantly, the old man's presence looming in the back of his mind no matter where he went. Life wound on for five long, lonely years. Friends were still few to be found but folks around town began to learn of his ability to fix up a car or a tractor and would often come knocking on his trailer. Only when they wanted something, that is. Just like his goddamn father.
Life has a way of changing very fast, especially when you're not expecting it. The outbreak tore his little town apart. James went to his father's trailer, hoping to reconcile with the man in the end times. The bible did say we were to be judged, and he wasn't about to be judged as a hard-hearted young man. Forgiveness on his mind he swung the door open, and it groaned like a dying ma. James entered, footsteps ringing out on the cheap linoleum flooring. He found the man's body moldering away in that same rocking chair he sat and drank in, face torn away from its skull with a shotgun blast. A suicide. Who knows how long he'd been sitting there. 10 days? Was he going to turn? Or had he taken his life in the grip of alcoholism months before? James didn't know, and didn't care. He vomited twice and fled the house into the night with the last remnants of his youth and innocence left behind in that darkened mobile home.
Relationships
Dad: "Rest easy ya piece of shit. See you in the pit and the flames 'n all that." In reality my dear reader James misses his father very much. Don't entertain his bullshit.
Mommy: "Mommy please come back I reckon this is all too much for me."
Vanessa: "Shorty your ass so fat I would eat that shit like a hungry man dinner special with Salisbury steak and potatoes."
Mommy: "Mommy please come back I reckon this is all too much for me."
Vanessa: "Shorty your ass so fat I would eat that shit like a hungry man dinner special with Salisbury steak and potatoes."
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